Last One. One day at a time.

When I first got this project brief I was confused as to where I wanted to go with it. Of course in everyone’s life, no matter how simple, there is always something interesting to pick up on. So I decided to go full steam ahead and approach something that has affected my life. Various members of my family are recovering addicts for a number of things, so I thought that it would be interesting to explore an addiction that isn’t as “popular” as some. When I say popular I mean an addiction that isn’t taken as seriously as others. Beginning with an image of Brighton pier I began to go run ahead with ideas. I literally couldn’t stop working which I loved, I put a lot of myself, my thought process and my knowledge about addiction into this. And I am proud of it. Making these images i had to be deceptive, dishonest and undercover and parts of me at some points were extremely uncomfortable with that. But i think as a photography student you have to push yourself, otherwise what is the point? It would be easy to stand in the studio all day, but are you really challenging yourself?

I was a bit dubious about what final images i wanted to use, because i didn't want for the outcome to be obvious, but at the same time i wanted people to be able to follow it. It was only after i had spoke to Hugh and he had said "Tell you story you want, not the one you think you should" and thats when i realised that this is my project and i have to do what i think is right for it's outcome. So i have chosen 7 pictures that for me are a possible order of a gambling addicts journey. I am producing this project with my "knowing self" and certain aspects of a photograph or the project name would mean something to me without explanation, whereas some of my classmates may not. My aim is not to portray addicts as something disgusting that we should ignore, but offer, throughout my work, a view of hope. Which leads me to my photograph choices. I wanted to start the series of images off with "Distraction" an image of a man with a beer, playing the slot machine in a pub. This image to me shows how naturalised gambling is within society, and how easy something bad can begin. I then move onto two images from the Casino, because this almost still has that socialising factor to it, but still even though there are bright lights the pictures still have a dismal feel to them. Nobody looks happy, people just stand in the hope of a win. I then take a next step and have two images of 2 men sat alone in a bookies, almost the next stage where gambling alone in the daytime is normal, there is nothing fun about what they are doing, they both stare intensely at their betting sheets, and again these images look sad. I almost feel sorry for the men because there is something so lost about them. They aren't in a rush to go anywhere, they are relaxed in their surroundings. This is the drawing point when you have to question wether it is healthy to be in a bookies at 2pm in the afternoon? When no it isn't.

 But this is when i wanted to turn to running theme around, and even though i didn't particularly want to use the image of Gary, a big issue seller, in my final images i feel that i need too. Because Gary is the bridge, the view of hope and the gateway. He is a recovering addict and even though he may not be in the best financial or stable situation, he is free of addiction. And for a recovering addict it is "One day at a time".

The final image is there as a signifier of life after addiction and to show that there is hope.

These images may appear to not make sense, but for me i wanted them all because they tell the story that i want to tell.  

The littlest thing.

  It's funny how when it's snowing we take so much more notice of everything around us. The prospect of falling over in the street makes us wary and watch every step we take. Which is how i got this image. Yeah it's just a lottery scratch card that has been discarded, but because of this project, everything i see i start to analyze and contextualize. And this old lottery scratch card does represent something. It's the waste, the loss, the flippant spending, the let down. It has been thrown and discarded because it means nothing, but when it was bought it could have been everything. And it's that contrast that i love. With gambling, it's all about the risk taking, the rush, but thats how quickly everything can change. 

I've been trying to decide about my final images, I'm not sure wether or not to take completely new images or use individual ones that together tell the story that i want too. We're coming to the end and i'm trying to draw everything together from what i've learnt and done throughout this project. Hmmm. I'll be back later.

Gary.

When i was out and about taking pictures the other day, i bought a big issue and got talking to Gary. On the off chance he knew i asked him if he knew where any bookies were in the city centre and he said "I make it my business not to know that". After chatting with him for about ten minutes i had discovered that Gary was a recovering addict,and had dabbled in gambling whilst using. I wanted to photograph him because he was the reason why i was doing this project, i couldn't believe it that my whole project was talking to me. This was a a bit of a breakthrough for me, because it really pinpointed what i am trying to do in this project. Gary wouldn't let me photograph his face because his Mom didn't know he sold the big issue and didn't want the images appearing anywhere. The fact that his face doesn't appear in these images means something more to me, because addiction does take away you're identity. You loose people you love, you become an entirely different person and the only thing that matters is the addiction.  

So these 2 images really mean something to me because Gary is a recovering addict. And his story is why i am doing this project.

Foxy Bingo.

Foxy Bingo (c)

So, Foxy Bingo. We've all seen the adverts which basically consist of middle class, young, fun women who have swapped a night on the town for a night of gambling online. Foxy bingo is portrayed as a fun replacement of general activities of these women, in the particular advert i saw, a woman inside a clean living room with a glass of wine, smiling away then she was walks towards a computer where she sits down to play. I find it interesting that foxy bingo is aimed at young women. Not all women, but "attractive,fun,happy" young women. The idea of online gambling is like gambling but almost without the stigma. I once knew a man who quit his job because he became a permanent online gambler, i could never get my head around this. He thought it was fantastic, but the reality of this was that he never left his room and stayed up all night in the hope that he would have a big win. Back to Foxy Bingo, at one point Katie Price was the face of the website, playful yet provocative images were published of katie posing with "Foxy", another set of images were published where Katie was photographed in bed looking happy with her laptop, with immaculate make up and immaculate hair. Getting somebody like Katie Price to be the face of this website shows us already the image they are trying to get out there, young, sexy girls come gamble! This idea really got me thinking about what the real women who did stay in, and gambled on this website were like. And actually if the gambling wasn't always that fun. The website itself almost works like the amusement arcade did in my one of my previous posts, it is bright and sparkly in a hope of drawing you in,£5 free deals and such. But behind the "fun,harmless" approach they try to portray what about if women become so obsessed with this that they end up betting their last £50 on this, because after all its suppose to be harmless fun. So i decided to do a few images almost playing against the idea of the website, where a young woman is gambling, and the woman isn't made up perfectly, but she's a real woman. The kind of woman who would play online gambling, and who isn't always happy and up for a laugh but a woman who has developed a problem with online gambling. I don't really enjoy taking staged images but i felt that i wanted to do something that contrasted with the general view of Foxy Bingo, because we would never really see the real side of it.

The images tell a story, it starts off just as presumed, in with a glass of wine, but it quickly changes as it is obvious that she isn't the kind of woman that Foxy Bingo is trying to attract, because she is somebody who does have a problem with gambling. I love the shabbiness of the woman, she is breaking down, and franticly looking through her credit cards trying to remember if she had any money on any of them.

Hard times at the Casino.

So, i went on a trip to the Casino, where the big betting takes place. And even though i have been to the Casino at 4am a few times, going at 9pm on a friday was completely different. The people were so much more aware, especially around the tables, people were sober and completely on edge. I found it really difficult to take secret pictures because of this. I got five half decent pictures, but not as many as i'd hoped. Even though i won't be using these as final images it was still important for me do this, to show the reality of the gambling world, just as i did with the bookies. The images all seem to be very calm, but in reality there was a tense atmosphere, i found it almost threatening. I would like to go back to the casino, but i feel it's too risky to go back and photograph. But i love the fact that i put myself under pressure for these images, it wasn't easy and even though it was scary, i loved the risk factor involved.

 After going to the Casino i saw an advert in the television for "Foxy Bingo", i began to think about the idea of online gambling. But this idea will be continued in my next blog.

"Down the Bookies"

So, after thinking about a blog comment that involved the idea of subterfuge, i decided to really do what is expected. Stop talking about it and do it. Using the inspiration i have gained from looking at the theoretical ideas of Graham and Frank i threw myself into "real life".

So, i went to numerous bookies around the city centre and took secret photographs on my phone, so as not to be seen, of the people who were sat in there at 1pm in the afternoon. I deliberately chose this time because it couldn't be seen as a fun outing to the bookies, it was people who were sitting there because they almost didn't have anything else to do, or want to be anywhere else. 

All of these images aren't the best quality, but that wasn't my intention, i wanted to show the real side, and it isn't amazing. If i had of gone in there with a camera and made it obvious, i wouldn't have been able to get the shots i wanted. The quality of the images doesn't hold back the context. I do really like some of these images, some not so much, but there are a few images that really do pinpoint my point of view, for instance the first image. A man sits alone in the bookies, tesco bag by feet. The light above him shines down on him, almost representing the whole world of addiction, at the time there is nothing better you'd rather be doing, it's your own world where nothing else really matters. I want to carry on with these "secret photographs", so i'll be heading to the Casino tonight. Watch this space.

Artists.

There are a number of artists who's work is extremely important to note within my project, one of the main two are Paul Graham and Robert Frank. I will continue to do more artist influences but at this stage i feel that these are the two i need to reference.

Paul Graham

From the collection "Beyond Hope" 1985 Paul Graham (c)

In the 1980's Graham began a photographic exploration into the departments of health and social security offices throughout England. Grahams images read into the essence of the time with it's high unemployment and hatred for the government. The angst and exhaustion of the public shines through in these images, and it is this style of honest documentary photography that has really influenced my own ideas about my project. The unaware state in which the people are photographed is so interesting, everything about them portrays their feelings at the time. Their facial expressions, posture, it all links into the unjust feeling that Graham was trying to portray. I want to use this approach within my work, i was advised to experiment with subterfuge, to really see behind the doors and the realism of what is there, and my next blog will incorporate these images.

"Beyond Hope" 1985 Paul Graham (c)

Robert Frank

"Gallup, New Mexico" 1955 Robert Frank (c)

After studying Robert Frank's "The Americans" in my first term i became extremely interested in his work. As he traveled America with his family in tow, he wanted to explore the post-war America, and the affect it had had on the people. Real people, lift attendants, waitresses, people on a bus. He wanted to reveal the "real" America, a country who had lost the hope that it had always claimed was buried into their society. Both Frank and Graham have this exposing quality about their work, it is extremely powerful because it is real life. Something that people would not notice walking down the street, both artists pick it up and make a point of it. This is what i want to at least attempt to do, to show that the sad side of life is there, wether we want to acknowledge it or not.